


Grand Desolation

by aeitric



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Courtroom scene, I just wanted something in depth about this scene because it is so important to me aaah, Losers kissing, M/M, Mentions of anxiety and overall sadness, Not Bad Violence, good ending yaaaaaaaay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 03:06:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5692255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeitric/pseuds/aeitric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look into Levi's mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grand Desolation

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhhh im avoiding writing porn again :)

Staying quiet in the position of World's Largest Loser was definitely a difficult task, but Levi (as talented and quaint as always) pulled  ~~~~it off without so much of a whine. Perhaps his age had worn him out, or the stratification of the Military Police, the Garrison and the Survey Corps had finally rammed his once sharp demeanor to a dull nub. Maybe he just need a nap.

People called him heroic to his face. Levi knew of the hushed whispers from glances behind his shoulders. They called him a fraud, as bad as the Titans he fought. He beat the depression with sticks and sharp glass that cut his fingers as he numbed away the feeling of being used and taken for granted. Sometimes, when Erwin looked into his office he would give Levi the oddest of glances, but it might have just been a hallucination on Levi's part. Like he was weak.

Anxiety rose when he  ~~~~fought. The split second of hesitation was the thought of himself being gripped tightly in the beast's grasp and finally losing it all. The bags grew draw by day, dragging his eyes down and casting shadows from below. He was no longer fearless, he was terrifyed of becoming Farlan and Isabel. He would die a virgin and give nothing to humanity.

The day Hanji walked into his office and told him of a boy who was able to turn into a Titan, Levi wasn't even momentarily shocked. This was all in the boring yet ironically eventful day of Levi Ackerman. The only reason he was shocked was standing in the courtroom, tired and missing his morning coffee, hearing the kid cuffed to the pole in the middle of the room lecture about friendship or some shit.

The only reason he was shocked was when Erwin ushered him over the wooden pole, and ran to Eren, he was afraid. This wasn't exactly an unusual feeling for Levi. Hardly was it when he slammed his boot into the kid's face and his emotions poured regret out of every pore. Regret and fear moved with Levi's short limbs as he effortlessly knocked a tooth out of Titan boy.

The only reason Levi was shocked was that the kid was beautiful. He had seen many things outside the crumbling walls surrounding him, rolling hills and lakes colored with white tipped ocean blue. The guilt that Levi sat under almost twenty four seven wouldn't let him enjoy the scenery. He had watched Petra, who was by standards very attractive, but only appreciated her in an aesthetic sense.

As he beat the boy into an angry mess, he couldn't stop the words escaping him. Pain is the best discipline, he said. He felt like he was talking to Eren as he said the words. Use your pain. Fight back, he wanted to tell him. How meaningless everything was if you lost hope and traded your soul in to become the best. Levi knew all about that. He paused after a few more kicks.

The boy, as Levi lifted his head and knelt down to his level, was bloody and bruised, and he was the most beautiful thing Levi had ever seen. It was difficult to speak clearly to the men watching them without slipping his emotionless mask off but he managed words along the lines of dissection and a garbled explanation of how useful Eren was as a killing machine. He wanted to tell the bastards he wanted... no, needed Eren alive for his own selfish needs.

He wanted to paint the stars in his eyes. He wanted to shelter his innocence and fight anyone who approached him. Levi was crying wolf, of course, but even his cowardness would fight for Eren until his body was weak and useless like his damaged mind. He was a rampant fire and he would burn anything in his way to Eren.

 

* * *

Afterwards the incident and the Military Police finally handed Eren over, Levi exited the room and vomited into a toliet nearby. When he came back, Hanji was prodding Eren with a cotton ball. He leaned on a wall, slightly concealed by shadows but leaving as soon as Erwin finished feeding his welcome shit to the poor boy.

"Do you hate me, Eren?" A simple question, intertwined with dosages of fear but spoken as bluntly as the owner of the words. Levi hardly expected Eren to answer. He just beat him in front of military officials and then didn't even apologize. It was almost a taunt, and Levi hated himself for it. "No." A small voice from beside him.

"I understand you did what you had to. Thank you for saving me." Broken was Levi, small and pathetic next to the boy next to him. Meager in all senses of the word and pitifully adamant. Eren, kind and forgiving took pity on Levi's poor, too overworked heart and even thanked him for tearing himself apart.

When the room cleared out after multiple tests by Hanji which both Levi and Erwin let them do with caution and hesitance, Eren and Levi sat alone on the dingy couch Erwin never got rid of even though it probably had mites or some shit. A thought occurred to Levi to just do it, to kiss him then scurry away like some blushing schoolgirl. The thought was brisk and was whisked away when Eren suddenly turned, pressing the lightest of kisses to Levi's chapped thin lips. 

"As a thank you..." Eren mumbled, looking down but obviously grinning like some kind of mad man when Levi whipped his head around to blankly stare at him. The new prize of his wet dreams just kissed him. What was he even waiting for? Levi's doubts and insecures were shred, leaving the old Levi in the presence of the weakness. Strong and confident, like he could take on the world with  the blink of an eye.

When the old, or maybe new, Levi first kissed Eren, it was the side effect of a rebirth. As was the less strict cleaning regime when the Titan boy joined the Survey Corps (Levi's orders, of course) and the same boy disappearing into Levi's office when he seemed stressed after long days.

This was all in the new and ironically insatiable of Levi Ackerman.

**Author's Note:**

> I live for feedback?????? dont be shy


End file.
